A Valentine Letter to Herself

COLUMN: A Valentine letter to herself
By Linda Crow • features@muncie.gannett.com • February 14, 2009
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On Feb. 14, 1984, I was 21 and preparing to go on a Valentine's Day date. If I could speak to myself back then, here's what I'd say:

Dear Linda,
This is from the body formerly known as "you."
You're lingering at the mirror, turning this way and that. I wish you didn't care so much about imperfections, because you're more than the sum of body parts and clear skin. Significance comes from being God's child, not from a young man's opinion of you. So just step away from the mirror!

Let's talk about romance. Your date tonight is going to break your heart soon. Eventually the pieces get put back together, and you'll marry him next year, but the lesson of the breakup is important: there's one shining knight on a white horse who'll never fail you, and his name is Jesus. No human deserves Jesus' place in your heart. God intended your husband to be a good man, not a "god-man."

Your marriage is intact in 2009, but it's not because you've been great spouses. It's because you didn't leave God at the altar with the flowers. He has been your marriage's saving grace time and again. If God hadn't been your beacon in the fog all these years, you would have run your ship into rocks and squalls that would've made you a divorce statistic.

Good news! Over time, your husband finally learns to pick up his towels! Bad news: just this week he left dog biscuits in his pockets that went unnoticed until you removed the wet, gooey laundry.

But it turns out you made the right decision in marrying him. No one is perfect, and with time, you become aware that you prefer his faults over anyone else's. Plus, he brings you coffee every morning and occasionally bathes your little dog.
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At 21, you don't know that real love entails a series of offenses and pardons. You'll bring out the best and worst in each other, and often you'll need 1 Peter 4:8 to help you through: "Love covers a multitude of sins."

Romance is wonderful, but a man who submits himself to Christ is even better because he answers to a higher authority and grows continually in learning to love. How could anyone ask for more?

My best advice to you is that when your hearts wander from your beacon and away from each other, remember to "return to your God. Hold fast to love and mercy, to righteousness and justice, and wait expectantly for your God continually" (Hosea 12:6). A favorite song says, "It takes a little time, sometimes, to turn the Titanic around, but baby, we're not going down." With God's help, you'll survive the storms.

Valentine's cards, roses and blushing cheeks may all lose luster, but living under the canopy of God's protection and grace allows love to endure and flourish for many years.
Now go have fun, you wrinkle-free young thing. Your future coffee-bringer awaits you!

When Setbacks Come, Don't Let Them Rob You of Your Confidence

Last January, I charged into a "Read-the-Bible-in-a-Year" plan like a souped up race horse breaking onto the track. It wasn't the first time I had tried the goal, but this time, I was determined to complete it.

Imagine how deflated I was to find myself starting again in April. Let's just say that this time I trudged out of the gate like a Belgian draft horse pulling a Levitical plow. It has been slow going, but I keep telling myself, "Slow and steady wins the race," or at least wins a sharp Sunday school lapel pin for managing to "stick to it!"

Why has this reading plan been so difficult? After all, I read a user-friendly version. I grew up hearing Bible stories and memorizing verses. I was a literature major, so I obviously enjoy reading. If you asked what book I'd take to a desert island, I'd reply, "The Bible." And I've received much guidance and comfort throughout my life from this book.

I do what I can to remind myself, placing my Bible on my nightstand, slipping it into my purse to read in waiting rooms, packing it on trips, sticking it in my tote bag, plopping it into my car -- it's always with me. Yet, I often find myself walking by it on the coffee table. Somehow, there's always one more laundry load or phone call or three more hours on the Internet before I can pick it up.

Unfortunately, my reading has been more of an exercise in discipline than an experience in learning and worshiping. And while there's nothing wrong with practicing diligence, my heart has not been fully engaged. It's like I've been reading a textbook account of an event as opposed to reading the personal letter of an eyewitness.

Although I was frustrated last April, I'm glad I didn't quit. Now I'm in the race with two goals: to finish my year-long project and to be transformed, which makes all the difference.

If you've recently set goals, don't be discouraged about false starts and distractions.

Remember how the rebuilding of the Lord's temple was stalled time and again. Zerubbabel, Jerusalem's governor, met lots of opposition as he began the project, but God sent the prophet Zechariah with encouragement: "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin" (Zechariah 4:10).

When setbacks come, don't let them rob you of your confidence. When you fall, don't berate yourself for having leapt. Remember that failures have potential to make you more dependent on Christ, our ultimate strength and the only real measure of success.
Linda Crow, of Muncie, is the mother of three teenagers and works in youth ministry. Visit her blog at www.2nd-cup-of-coffee.blogspot.com.

Perfection is Not the Goal in Family Foundations

Linda Crow: Perfection is Not the Goal in Family Foundations

Recently, I created a gingerbread church from scratch, with stained-glass candy windows and a roof of candy shingles.

Since this was my first attempt, I gathered tips from experienced bakers and researched blueprints in order to prevent catastrophes. Even so, when I assembled the sections, I found odd structural problems.

None of the research advised that when your cookie sheet goes "boing" in the oven, your walls might warp, turning your creation into a wonky funhouse instead of a sweet fairy tale cottage.

I added candy to detract but only felt dissatisfied. I considered placing a gift-laden sleigh on the bowed roof to imply the cause of sinking, but I knew that camouflaging the flaws compromised the integrity of basic gingerbread principles. (I'm serious about this stuff!)

So, I heated a knife in a candle flame and painstakingly cut through the thick royal icing, removing one section at a time to begin again.

After reassembling it with truly flat pieces, I added ribbon candy, peppermints, gumdrops and dripping icicles, which I then enjoyed with a clear conscience -- no artful deceptions on my church!

My experience made me think about how real homes and churches get off-kilter, literally and figuratively, when they're built on shifting ground or with compromises in integrity.

Sometimes, couples try to candy-coat flawed relationships by buying more stuff, as if to say, "How could our marriage be bad? We have worked together to buy a great house, take tropical vacations, fill a four-car garage and enjoy lavish Christmases."

But if there are foundational flaws, the sugar frosting belies the funhouse incongruity in their hearts.

My parents, celebrating 66 years of marriage on Dec. 14, built my childhood home on a foundation of faith in Christ, and my brothers and I enjoyed the sweetness of a loving home as a result.

There weren't a lot of Dr. Phils or premarital counselors in 1942, and I'm sure there were bumps and cracks along the way, but they have always painstakingly sacrificed whatever it took to stay true to their vows and to God, their foundation.

No family is perfect, and I've learned through gingerbread baking that perfection is not the goal. I now embrace small glitches that prove my gingerbread wasn't stamped out in a factory but rolled out by my hands.

However, I'm grateful to know that when my marriage or my individual life shows signs of cracking or warping, I can bring the pieces to God, who straightens crooked hearts and rights wrong thinking.

And that is the good news of this season -- through the events of the first Christmas, God provided a way to re-build, restore and renew our relationship with Him and with each other. Those are indeed good tidings of great comfort and great joy.

Merry Christmas, and happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.

Check out Linda Crow's blog, www.2nd-cup-of-coffee.blogspot.com, to see pictures of her gingerbread house.

See yesterday's post for pics of this house.

Play with All Your Heart Today

When I was seven, my parents bought a brand new piano for me, before I ever had a lesson. That seems rashly optimistic, but my parents really wanted a piano player, with a fervor usually reserved for prospective doctors and lawyers. I can’t explain their unity and intrepidness in this goal, but when I was born, my father declared, “Now we have our piano player!”

Even though I wasn’t very good, you should’ve heard my folks go on about my playing. No matter how many times I bungled notes, they told me they loved it.

I thought, “What’s wrong with them? Can’t they hear the mistakes? I can’t finish a song without messing up, yet they think I’m headed for the Lawrence Welk Show!”

Now, every morning before school, my 15 year-old plays a collection of popular ballads she has learned from the Internet. As she practices, she tinkers with chords, misses notes, uses the pedals wildly—she’s all over the map, so to speak. Yet her music gives me a warm “Christmasy” feeling, one of peace, contentment and pride.

My joy comes from her expressing her God-given creative spark. I can feel her heart in the ballads. Notice that perfection is not even a remote consideration in my appreciation. I love that girl, and her music moves my heart.

When I was the young pianist, I couldn’t get past the mistakes, but my parents heard music above the flaws. Now I do the same thing with my daughter.

We created beings know our frailties all too well. We regularly bungle the gifts our Father has given us. Sometimes we start and don’t finish; sometimes we get a little crazy and miss the mark.

For instance, you may feel that you have not excelled at parenting lately. You may feel that your house is a mess, that you are scattered between home, church and work. You may have lost your patience with a family member in spite of your sincere desire to love him.

You only notice your flaws, while your Father who loves you sees your efforts and hears the music of your life above your clinker notes.

Missing the mark doesn’t surprise Him. Perfection isn’t even a remote consideration in his love for you. He delights in you even now as you sit soaking up these words.

Whatever you do today, “play” with all your heart for the One whose ear is inclined to you 24 hours a day. Don't let inner accusations and missteps drag you down. Your soul longs to express itself to its Creator, and He longs to hear music that is uniquely yours!

What a Difference a Year Makes

Oh, how a year can change your perspective.

Last September, we deposited our son, Jordan, in his freshman dorm room.

I was one sad mom.

What’s worse, I think he was unhappier than I was. His expression said, “What am I doing here? I really don’t want to be here. This is a mistake.”

Every mom will understand this: even though a child is old enough to vote, pay taxes and live with a complete stranger in a tiny, musty dorm room, if he’s troubled, your heart is also troubled. After we left, I prayed for him daily.

Throughout the year, Jordan grew to tolerate campus life, and in May, he returned home with a new independence and a boat-load of laundry. We spent a wonderful summer with our son and his laundry, and then before I knew it, it was time to make the second deposit.

Imagine my surprise when I read his first email this year:

Probably one of the best weekends ever. We set up a slip-n-slide, and at first, it was us and another guy, and it was starting to get lame even though it was fun. Then groups of people started showing up, and eventually, we had over 50 people slipping and sliding. We also had at least another 30 people actually sitting and watching, like it was a performance. We were kind of dubbed the most welcoming room and the room with the best chemistry between the two roommates. We will probably be hosting a lot of movie nights. Classes are okay so far.

I’d say one year made a big difference, wouldn’t you? I think my prayers for him did, too.

We all have moments when we think, “How did I get here? I don’t want to be here!” Sometimes our discomfort drives us to God, which is ultimately a good thing.

Also, when we’re dreading situations such as job interviews, root canals or resolving soured relationships, it helps to remember that prayer can work out kinks, whether in the circumstance or in us. Rather than merely enduring, we can end up rejoicing, like Jordan.

God loves turning our negative expectations upside down:

Do not remember past events; pay no attention to things of old. Look. I am about to do something new … I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:18-19).

God cares about what you’re going through. He knows just how to make a way through your personal wilderness, and if he chooses, instead of a river, he can put a slip-n-slide in the middle of your desert.

Whatever your trouble is, pray, and then watch with expectant eyes. He is about to do something new!

















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Whatever You Do, Go the Extra Mile

Whatever You Do, Go the Extra Mile

Olympian swimmer Dara Torres possesses a stunning physique and fierce athleticism, but what sets her apart from other top athletes is her age, 41.

Torres inspires me because at 45, I started running again, which is neither easy nor graceful. I call what I do "slogging," for "slow jogging," because I'm ridiculously leaden. My allergic post-nasal drip is faster than my gait.

But this morning, I had the best slog of my life.

Mid-route, as I neared two runners, they began hooting, pumping their fists, jumping around and singing the Olympic anthem at the tops of their lungs on a Saturday morning in the middle of a quiet neighborhood street. It was quite a heady experience.

A while after I passed them, I realized I hadn't needed to slow to a walk anytime during my run. In fact, my legs felt solid, my breathing was adequate, my calf didn't cramp, my laces stayed tied. I seemed to be morphing into a real runner.

Before long, I noticed I was about to match my own distance record. Fueled by pride and adrenaline, I decided to keep going, and I went a full extra mile!

I thought about Torres as I ran. She's used to slicing through the water to confidently gaze at her time. I'm used to looking for sprinklers to run through and collapsing in my yard. She has hundreds cheering her on. I have my husband, George, and his friend, ironically named "Victor," encouraging me and annoying the neighbors. Torres has the life of a champion; I have the life of a tryer.

So I wonder: Does Dara truly ever exult in the small things, like going one more lap in the pool or holding her breath a few seconds longer?

Because I sure exulted this morning: "Thank you, God, for this beautiful day! Thank you for legs! For breath! For no hot flashes during this run! Thank you that I can thrill over small things. Thank you for helping me go the extra mile. ..."

And that's when my thoughts changed perspective: "The extra mile! Wasn't that exhilarating? Guess what? You can get that same great feeling again today if you go the extra mile for someone else. Encourage someone the way Victor and George encouraged you; give your all to whatever situation you're in; don't discount small beginnings and rejoice in small victories -- go the extra mile."

1 Peter 4:10-11 says, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others ... If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ."

Whatever you do today, go the extra mile. You're golden!

Linda Crow, of Muncie, is the mother of three teenagers and works in youth ministry. Visit her blog at www.2nd-cup-of-coffee.blogspot.com.

God is the Author of Life

It all started with reading Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilych, followed by a close friend's serious cancer diagnosis. Then, there was the death of a former high school classmate.

Death has been on my mind a lot lately.

Actually, I think about dying at some point every day, not in a morbid way, but in an "Are you ready? Is there unfinished business? How do you want to be remembered?" way, which is constructive, to a point.

What's not constructive is allowing myself to be tortured by the fear of leaving my children and husband. As a believer, I must draw the line of rumination there. I can't give in to hand-wringing.

Henri Nouwen spoke about the unique relationship of a trapeze team. When the flyer lets go of his bar and hangs in mid-air for a split second, he has no security. He cannot see his catcher nor control the catcher's speed or method. But at just the right moment, the flyer's "savior" arrives and whisks him to the base.

Most of us believe death will be like that frightening moment of suspension. But 2 Corinthians 5:8 tells us, “We should be cheerful, because we would rather leave these bodies and be at home with the Lord.”

In other words, we will not be left hanging for one moment because to let go here makes us present there.

*Sometimes when I sit down to write, I face the blank screen and feel uncertain and anxious—the term is “writer’s block.” After this sad, question-filled week, I’m comforted by the thought that although life is uncertain, it is not unwritten. That is to say, God is the author of life, and he has never suffered writer’s block. He is not uneasy about the future at all.

*That’s why Christians shouldn’t despair. Death is simply another part of each of our stories.

Paul says, "When you sow a seed, it must die in the ground before it can live and grow. And when you sow it, it does not have the same body it will have later. What you sow is only a bare seed, maybe wheat or something else. But God gives it a body that he has planned for it" (Corinthians 15:35-38).

The key phrase is: "that he has planned for it." We who trust in Christ can know that as the story of our life unfolds, we are in His sight and in His thoughts, safe in the strong hands of our savior and "catcher" who has planned for us to be with Him forever. Nothing can pry us from his loving grip.
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*section that was edited/partly omitted that I re-inserted here.